


A Shade of You

by ariapassionflower01



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Twincest, Voyeurism, sex toy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:57:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariapassionflower01/pseuds/ariapassionflower01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom stars in all Bill's fantasies but will there ever been a day when fantasy becomes reality?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to princesskay for the title because you're so much better at them than I am:)))))

It had taken Bill awhile to realize what he really wanted. It had taken him an infinitely shorter amount of time to understand that he couldn't have it. While one could have argued that he had known it all along, Bill chose to resign his earlier years to blissful ignorance. It was better to look back on that time and see innocence rather than a fantasy that would one day be crushed.   
He dreamed about it a lot. More accurately, he dreamed about it almost every night. He found himself tossing and turning, then suddenly wide awake, with a desire that couldn't be sated. He knew that it was unquenchable because he had tried. He knew it would be until he could have it, and that was something that just couldn't happen.   
Bill had become accustomed to living with the very object of his desire, and the accompanying dissatisfaction. It was a daily routine for him, one he hated, but one he couldn't live without – a bittersweet destruction of his heart every time he laid eyes on the one person he clutched so firmly, but could never have. He kept it hidden away from everyone around him, and especially from the most important person. He could never know. He would never be able to read the pain in Bill's eyes when he left with someone else. He would never know about the tears that dampened Bill's pillow each night, nor the severe arousal that drenched the sheets when he awoke. He could never know because he was his other half, his twin, and Bill loved him. 

~

It was barely past noon when Bill awoke with a start. The sun was already high in the sky and it spilled through the curtains and across the tousled sheets. Bill's long expanse of legs was twisted around the pearly white bedclothes and he was lying on his stomach, his hair falling over his face.   
He closed his eyes with a moan when he realized the time as well as the insistent heat kindling low in his stomach.   
They were in LA, set to perform a sold out show. The progress in US was going well, and it kept Bill's mind off other things – except for those times when he found himself alone. He cursed the downtime, because it gave him hours to let his mind wander free and unhindered. Here, in the privacy of his hotel room, he could fantasize whatever he desired.   
Bill rolled slowly onto his back and the sheets slid down from his slim waist, catching on the rise of his erection. Bill pushed his hair out of his face and plopped his arm down over his eyes. He bit at his lower lip and told himself to just go back to sleep. They still had hours before they had to get up and all that was booked today was sight-seeing.   
Hours, his mind whispered to him, hours to jack off in absolute privacy.   
Bill groaned and threw his arm aside to toss his head wildly against the pillow. “No...” He moaned aloud. He sat up quickly and braced himself on the edge of the bed. He glanced down to see his morning erection in full mode. It stared up at him wantonly, the oozing tip begging to be stroked to completion.   
“Fuck.” Bill muttered. He pushed off the bed and found himself shaking as he approached his suitcase. Out of a bizarre lack and complete lapse of control, Bill had come into possession of a certain pleasure tool. It would be a one-time thing, he had told himself, however, he still had the vibrating dildo. It went with him everywhere although he only allowed himself to use it every once in a while. It tortured him from its place in the suitcase, and by the time he broke down and pulled it out, he was terribly worked up from a month or more of self-denial.   
Bill tried to remember the last time he had used the dildo, and decided it didn't matter. He was already heading towards the suitcase and there was no way he was going to stop now. He tore into the side pocket and yanked it out along with the tiny bottles of lube and toy cleaner he kept with it. His hands were shaking as he carried the items to the bathroom. He washed the toy quickly, impatient. His cock was throbbing up against his stomach and now that he was past the lecture he always imposed upon himself, he couldn't wait to get back to the bed. Taking the lube and the toy within him, he went back to the room. He shut himself in, careful to lock his doors before lying back on the sheets. His heart was pounding as he opened the lube and squeezed some onto his fingers. He twisted himself halfway on his side as he slid his fingers back behind himself. The moment his fingertips touched down, Bill moaned aloud. He fastened his teeth over his lower lip and told himself to hush. Although Tom was probably still asleep, he was in the adjoining room and Bill would absolutely mortified if he happened to hear.   
Bill lowered his fingers again and massaged over the quaking flesh of his entrance. He was strung tight with arousal and he whimpered quietly as he pushed one finger in. His muscles clamped down quickly and Bill arched into the sheets. He panted, waves of heat already crashing over his body; he could feel warmth scorching up his cheeks and ears. He closed his eyes and told himself to relax as he slowly pushed the digit in and out. After a few impatient strokes, he added another finger.   
“Unng...”He huffed into the pillow as his body fought to accept the addition of another finger. Bill tried to relax again as he urgently pressed his fingers in to the hilt. He probed inside, searching for his prostate without meaning to. Although he knew he could cum like this, he wanted the dildo. Still, his fingers gravitated towards the pleasure spot. Moans burst from his lips when his fingertips grazed over it. His acrylics scratched lightly and he shuddered, nearly rising up off the bed. “Fuck.” He panted , his hot breaths blowing quickly across the pillow. He stared at the white cotton of the pillow case, trying to reign himself in.   
Just imagine Tomi doing this to you, his mind teased. Bill collapsed against the mattress, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head as the simple thought sent him catapulting into a full-blown fantasy. He imagined it so many times that it was easy now to hear Tom's voice in his head, whispering in gravelly intonation, “Open up for me, Bill.”   
“Gahh...!” Bill groaned as he pushed his fingers in hard, imagining that they were stronger and callused. He rutted hard against the mattress, his body spasming wildly before gaping to except a third finger. Bill tucked his closest leg up against his chest, spreading himself wider as he fucked his fingers into his ass.   
“You like that?” Tom's voice whispered in his head.   
“Yes!” Bill nearly shouted before he clamped his mouth shut. He turned his face into the pillow and moaned.   
“I'm gonna put my dick in you.” Tom went on in his mind and Bill whimpered and thrust against his hand. His cock was hard and throbbing, nearly leaking against his stomach and Bill knew he had to stop before he came. He slowly pulled his hand back, moaning and panting at the wet, erotic sounds the accompanied the retraction. He grabbed at the dildo, quickly giving it some lube before he thumbed the button upward. The toy began to vibrate in his hand and lowered it behind him. The tip of the dildo massaged against his cleft and he moved it downwards until he found his still open hole. He muffled a moan as he pressed the head of the toy into himself. The flesh stretched and quivered, wanting to close.   
“No, no, stay open for me.” Tom's low, arousing voice murmured in his ear, and Bill almost sobbed as he thrust the dildo fully into himself. He bucked against the bed, his buttocks clamping down on the toy. The vibrations jolted through him, inside him, pleasuring him to the core as Bill lay frozen against the sheets. He could barely find the strength to move the dildo. His cock was twitching against his stomach and he could feel pre-cum drizzling from the tip. He knew it wouldn't take long for him to cum.   
He pressed his eyes shut, forming the image of Tom in his mind once more. Tom fabricated behind him, looking down at Bill from beneath thick, dark lashes. “I'm gonna fuck you.” Imaginary Tom murmured. Bill nodded raggedly against the pillow. He began to work the dildo in and out, twisting it and arching his hips for the best angle.   
“Oh...”He moaned as he found his prostate, dragging the head of the toy directly over the throbbing nub of flesh. Bill jerked against the sheets and he could feel his toes beginning to curl. His stomach was swirling hotly and he could feel himself quivering. He shoved the dildo into himself and he clawed at the sheets with his free hand, nearly climbing up onto his hands and knees as sharp pleasure went through him.   
“Yeah, baby, cum for me.” Tom rasped in his mind. Bill could almost see him, his long, dirty blonde dreads spilling over his strong shoulders, he taut pectoral and flat, toned stomach tanned and damp with perspiration. Lower down, the perfect V leading to the dusting of hair and the hard length of his cock that was buried deep in Bill's ass.   
Bill was nearly crying with pleasure now, rocking and thrusting against the dildo, and grasping at the pillow. He pressed his twisted up mouth against the material to hide pathetic cries as jerked his hips hard. His cries rose quickly into a crescendo as he came, spilling over the sheets. His body arched and bucked, all of his muscles squeezing tight around the still vibrating dildo. It pleasured him through the climax and continued to buzz at the raw, sensitized flesh as Bill sank to the sheets. Bill lay there for a few moments before he weakly reached back to switch off the toy. He pulled it out slowly, wincing as it came free from his aching body.   
You're so pathetic, he told himself in a derogatory tone. He was already beating himself up as he slowly pushed off the bed and stumbled on weak legs to the bathroom. He tossed the dildo into the sink and leaned on the counter, still breathing hard. His heart had yet to return to its normal pace and as he looked up into the mirror, he could see the color painting his cheeks, and the aroused light in his eyes. He lowered his head, unable to bear the sight of his own freshly debauched image.   
At last, he made himself straighten and clean the toy before returning it its place in his cargo.   
Across the room, his phone began to first notes of a Samy D song, alerting him that Tom was texting him. Bill frowned as he glanced at the time. It was almost one by now, but typically Tom stayed in bed until late on their days off. Bill crossed the room and snatched up the jangling device. He silenced it and found that Tom had sent him a picture.  
Bill's heart, which had so recently calmed itself, started up again.   
Tom was pictured in one of the beach chairs, giving a sexy smile up at the camera. He was bare-chested and Bill could barely see his taut, little nipples at the very edge of the frame. Tom had typed in a message along with the picture that stated, Join me on the beach? Its a beautiful day;)  
Bill bit at his lower lip, hesitating before replying, So u couldn't sleep either? I'll b down in a few.  
He quickly got into the shower. He knew it was paranoid, but he was afraid that Tom would be able to smell his arousal and know what he had been doing. He washed up quickly and pulled on a black tank top, shorts, and flipflops. He gave his hair a quick blowdry before heading down. He grabbed one of their security men and made his way out towards the beach site that was right behind the hotel. He checked his phone again and found another text from Tom: Nope. I was wide awake at 12:00.   
Bill bit at his lower lip nervously. He wondered if Tom had heard anything or if he had already been down at the beach. Maybe he had been having his own self-love session, Bill thought vaguely as he pushed his sunglasses up on his nose and headed out into the warmth of the sun. He hoped Tom had brought sunscreen, because he hated getting his flawless, pale flesh red and irritated.   
“Do you know where Tom is?” Bill asked the security man.  
“Yeah, right this way.”  
Bill followed and they soon found Tom on a deserted little strip, reclining in the beach chair, an umbrella already in place. Bill hung back, admiring his brother's figure from a distance. Tom had always had the nicer body – stronger, leaner, more beautiful in general. Bill gave a sigh, thinking once more that all the Tom fangirls were more justified in their pursuits – far more justified.  
Bill straightened his face around and headed towards Tom's outpost. He plopped down in the chair next to Tom's and looked out at the sparkling water.  
“What's wrong?” Tom asked immediately.  
“Huh?” Bill asked looking over at him.   
Tom looked over at him with honey brown eyes squinted against the sun. “You never get up at noon time.” Tom replied.  
“I could say the same to you.” Bill returned with a shrug. He grabbed up a bottle of sunscreen and held it out. “My back please?”  
Tom nodded and took the bottle. “Off with the shirt then.”  
Bill drew in a breath at the command, tried not to let it show how it made his insides flutter.   
“You're not gonna keep that dumb tank top on, are you?” Tom asked, jolting him out of his thoughts.   
“N-no.” Bill stuttered. He pushed out of the chair and sank to the warm sand between Tom's knees. He pulled off the tank-top, presenting his bare, pale back. He lifted his hands and scrubbed them over his face while Tom couldn't see his expression.   
Tom opened the sunscreen and got a dollop on his hands. The first rub of the sunscreen was cold against Bill's skin and he flinched before both of Tom's hands descended and began to massage it in. Bill relaxed back against Tom's strong hands, finding the position far too arousing for comfort. He stayed on the sand, however, allowing Tom's hands to linger even after the sun block was all the way rubbed in. At last, Tom patted his shoulders and sat back, but Bill remained on the ground.   
“So what did you do before you came down here?” Bill asked at last.   
“Uh...” Tom said, slowly, before clearing his throat. “I, uh, showered, answered a couple emails... watched TV...”  
Bill stared out at the water, his heart pounding. He knew when Tom was lying, or hedging, or bluffing. It could be all three right now and Bill found his stomach churning, wondering what he had really been doing. He dragged a toe through the sand as he asked, “Jacking off?” He didn't know where he got the balls from to say such a thing, but the words jumped out of his mouth before he could stop them.   
“Bill!” Tom exclaimed, giving him a shove. Bill stumbled forward before turning himself around.   
“Sorry...” He muttered.  
Tom sighed, his eyes narrowed. Bill bit at his lower when he saw the expression. It sent something akin to exhilaration swirling through his veins.   
“So what?” Tom said at last. “Weren't you?”  
Bill's head snapped fully up and he jumped to his feet, brushing off the seat of his pants. He could feel the color rising on his cheeks and he tried to dismiss it. “I.. I... maybe.” He said at last.  
Tom laughed, his head tilting back, eyes crinkled up, all of his straight, white teeth glittering in the sun. He squawked and slapped his knee, bringing Bill's humiliation even stronger to bear. “You are not as celibate as you would like every on to believe!” He stated, rocking once more and giving his thigh another smack.  
Bill huffed and turned to march away. He knew it was illogical to be annoyed at Tom since he was the one who had brought it up, but he couldn't stand it when Tom laughed at him about the subject – especially since Tom had been the one that Bill had been fantasizing about.   
“Bill, wait.” Tom said, but Bill could still hear the laughter in his voice. “I'm sorry!”  
Bill stopped a few feet away and looked back over his shoulder at Tom. “One would think that if you were the stud that you would like everyone to believe you are, you wouldn't have to jack off.” He snapped before continuing his march across the sand.   
“Bill!” Tom called after him and this time he sounded crestfallen.   
Bill considered going back at that very moment and apologizing, but he didn't. He just kept striding angrily back towards the hotel. He heard footsteps behind him and then Tom was dashing up in front of him.   
“Bill, really, I'm sorry.” He said. “I shouldn't have said it.”  
“Yeah.” Bill lifted his chin and looked anywhere but at Tom. “You shouldn't have.”  
Tom stared at him in disbelief. “Look, I said I was sorry, and you're the one who started it!”  
“Oh, that's really childish, Tom, pointing fingers!” Bill retorted, actually looking Tom in the face as they came to a halt in the middle of the beach. He was building steam now, and he wasn't sure why he wanted to fight with Tom, but he did.   
“Childish!” Tom returned, and his cheeks were hot with anger. “You're the one who started insulting me with all that 'if you were a stud' shit!”  
“Well, aren't you, Tom?” Bill burst forth in a shout, stabbing a manicured finger at Tom's chest. “You're always going out and sleeping with some girl you don't even know because you're not man enough to take a woman on a real date!” He could feel tears in his eyes now and he had lost track of where the conversation had gone down hill.   
“I'm not man enough!” Tom repeated in indignation, his volume and tone rising to match Bill's. “You've never even fucked a girl, let alone take her on a fucking date! What do you even fucking know?”  
“I know you're a pig!” Bill returned venomously, before he began to march away again.   
“Come back here!” Tom demanded, grabbing Bill's arm in a vice grip. Bill immediately dug in his heels, fighting against the grasp of Tom's iron hand. “You don't say stuff like that and walk away, you pathetic, little shit.” Tom snarled in his face.   
Bill cowered this time, a tear spilling out of his right eye. “Get off.” He mewled.  
“No.” Tom sneered, stepping closer. “You're a fucking cocktease, you know it.”   
Bill froze at the statement, staring up into Tom's darkened visage. He stomach flipped over and a quiver took over his rage.   
“You spew true love garbage while prancing around on that stage like a propositioning whore.” He spat out the words, a vein standing out on his neck and forehead. “Who's worse? You or me?” He let go of Bill's and shoved him aside, sending him tumbling to the sand. Bill's landed there on his ass, the hot sand scalding his bare flesh. He wasn't sure what to feel now as Tom stalked away, his shoulders drawn, dreadlocked head bent.   
“Bill, are you okay?” One of the security men stepped up beside him, holding out a hand.   
“Fine.” Bill muttered, ignoring the help and scrambling up off the beach. He ran towards the hotel and this time he made it back to his room. He sequestered himself there and tried to ignore the stench of arousal that still lingered in the room. 

~

Bill awoke again at six o' clock. He was hungry and his limbs felt stiff, his mouth dry. He pulled himself out of bed and put on a t-shirt over the shorts he was still wearing. He stumbled downstairs and found the rest of the guys on the patio that had been set aside for their use. Bill could see the place where he and Tom had argued from this vantage point.   
Bill sat down at the table in silence and the other three immediately went quiet. Tom sunk down in his chair and began to pick at his food.   
“So..” Georg said awkwardly. “I thought we were going out tonight.”  
“Yeah.” Bill returned, bluntly. He rested his chin on hand and looked out over the sand.   
“I'm gonna go... go do something.” Gustav said, escaping from the table. Georg shrugged and followed him. They knew it was best to leave the twins alone when they were arguing.   
Bill and Tom sat in silence at the table before Tom gave a sigh at last. “Okay, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said it.”  
Bill nodded and chewed on the inside of his mouth. “Yeah.” He said, at last.   
“So do I get an apology?” Tom asked slowly.   
Bill looked down at his hands and picked at his acrylic. “I'm sorry.” He muttered at last.   
“Look, about what I said...” Tom's voice trailed off and Bill looked up to see him staring at the ground.   
“Which part?” Bill asked, his voice rough. “The part where you degraded my virgin status or the part where you identified me as a whore?.... I mean, they're kind of at opposite ends of the spectrum but-”  
“Okay.” Tom held up his hands. “It was a bad thing to say, all right. And.. not true.”  
Bill nodded slowly. “But you did say it so... you must have believed it at some point.” He raised his eyes to Tom's and he was struck by the raw emotion lying there. His heart started in his chest and he had to grip the arms of the chair. He was sure that he could see desire lying there, the same desire that Bill had felt. But... it couldn't be possible...  
“Maybe I said it to make myself feel better.” Tom said quickly at last, and stood swiftly from the table.  
“Yourself?” Bill stood as well, stepping in Tom's path.   
“What I said wasn't true,” Tom said, sharply, “But what you said...” He looked away, his eyes flickering back to Bill for a second before he whispered, “Well, we all know there's no lie there.” He pushed around Bill and headed back towards the hotel.   
“Tom, wait!” Bill called after him. He had been grudging to apologize before, but now he felt terribly. “Wait!” He ran after him and caught up to him. “I'm sorry, okay? Its not true.”  
“But it is.” Tom turned on him, his eyes blazing. “You're the pure, innocent, good one, okay? I'm just...”  
“No.” Bill shook his head. “You're me, Tom, my twin.”  
Tom's eyes softened and he lifted a hand to trail his fingers along Bill's cheekbone. It was a soft, intimate gesture that made Bill shudder deep inside. “Anyone would be lucky to have you, Bibi.” He said quietly. “And I... I will never be a prize.” He swallowed and Bill could see his Adam's apple bobbing with emotion. “That's something of yours I can never, ever have.” His hand fell away and he turned, leaving Bill bereft and a little distraught. He stared after Tom, caught off guard suddenly by the depth of insecurity that Tom had just revealed to him. Bill wanted to run after him again, and tell him that he wanted him, if no one else. He wanted to tell him how much he loved and wanted him, how lucky Bill would be if only he would lavish the kind of attention on him, the “true love garbage”, that Bill so longed for.   
Instead, Bill stayed on the patio, listening to the waves rippling in a hollow, lonely tune.


	2. Chapter 2

Bill threw himself into their sight-seeing that night, refusing to let the tension between he and Tom get in the way of the band's excursion. There were cameras on them the entire night, and this time, Bill was grateful. Knowing that he was being watched made him attempt to act normal and relaxed. Tom cracked jokes and ran his mouth the entire night, but Bill could sense the conflict underneath the veneer.   
They managed to make it through the night and made it back to their hotel rooms around 2 in them morning. Bill wished he were drunk as he might've been if they had been in Germany. The States had stupid laws concerning those under 21 and Bill was disappointed to find himself completely aware of his surroundings as they returned.   
They had a performance the next day and they all agreed to go straight to bed. Bill was eager to find the solace of his bedroom, the silence of his own four walls. He took his time showering and washing off his makeup, enjoying the few solitary moments he had to himself.   
He dropped to the sheets, exhausted, at three, but was awoken only two hours later with a full bladder. He made his way in the darkness to the door of the bathroom.   
He and Tom's room were adjoined by the bathroom and Bill had just shut off the water from washing his hands when he heard a noise from Tom's side. He jumped before stilling and standing very quietly, his ears straining. The sound came again, and this time Bill could identify it as his brother's voice, or rather, moan.  
Bill crept closer to Tom's door, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. He pressed his ear up against the crack of the door, trying not to breath so loudly as he listened. His stomach lurched when he detected Tom's voice again, moaning louder, in a way that Bill knew so well. He knew because he made those very same sounds in the midst of passion, right before an orgasm.   
Bill lowered his hand to the doorknob and grasped it slowly. He didn't think about what he as going to do before he slowly eased the door open, just enough for one eye to peek into the room. He swallowed hard as he noticed the light of Tom's laptop screen in the darkness. He squinted, shifting to see what was on the screen. His brows slammed together when he saw a slideshow of pictures flashing across the screen. He couldn't really make out who was in the pictures, but his attention was drawn to Tom in the next moment.   
His lips parted as his eyes fell on his twin who was propped up against the pillows, his naked body splayed across the sheets. Bill lifted a hand, smacking it over his mouth to muffle a gasp of surprise at the sight of Tom's aroused body in plain view.   
Tom's eyes were squeezed shut now, one hand braced against the mattress, the other working quickly over his cock. His hips rotated up against the thrusts of his hand and Bill could see him quaking under the pressure of pleasure.   
Bill breathed hard against his hand, his blood rushing loudly in his ears. He could feel himself growing achingly tight in his boxers, overwhelming arousal taking over him.   
“Nnng... oh...” Tom groaned on the bed, his head tilting back to show the delicious, perspiring curve of his throat. “Oh.. oh..” He panted, his hips snapping up in a quicker motion against his hand. “Bill, oh...”   
Bill almost slammed the door shut and ran at that very moment. He was certain that he had just heard Tom say his name and he didn't know whether that scared or excited him. His eyes were wide and he was shaking, almost as much as Tom was.  
In the room, Tom's moans became louder and Bill looked back just in time to see him arch from the bed. His face twisted in beautiful pleasure and his feet ground into the mattress, lifting his hips up as he came. Streams of pearly, thick cum spilled over his hand and Bill gasped, sagging against the door. He stared for a moment longer as Tom lapsed against the sheets before he turned away, his hands still covering his open mouth. He stood weakly against the bathroom counter, his heart pounding. Every second of his voyeurism played through his brain and he found himself desperately aroused.   
He sneaked back into his room and laid down beneath the sheets, breathing hard. He stared at the ceiling for only a moment longer before he tugged his boxers down and laid his hand on his own hard, throbbing erection. He pressed his lips together and began to squeeze and pull at the aching flesh. He closed his eyes and relived the scene that had just raveled out in front of him and thrust with abandon into the embrace of his hand. He came quickly, much too quickly, and when he found cum gushing over his hand, he knew it would never be enough. 

~

Bill still felt dazed the next morning when he got himself up to prepare for an intense day of interviews and performing.   
He had never thought that it would be possible for Tom to feel the same way about him. But now, he had proof that it was just the opposite. Tom had called Bill's name when he masturbated and now Bill wanted to know what he had on his computer that had stimulated him so well.   
There was no time at all to sneak a look at Tom's computer and Bill suffered through the day, wondering. He began to doubt himself, thinking that perhaps he had been hearing things and Tom had just been looking at porn. He tried to keep it together for the performance but it was always in the back of his mind. He had a niggling sensation that Tom had been hiding something from him on the laptop, something that he thought couldn't be seen. Something about Bill.  
It was late by the time they made it back to the hotel, but Bill was wide awake, his constant loop of thoughts keeping him up on adrenaline.   
Tom retreated to the shower and Bill knew that now was his time. He got into Tom's room, his hands shaking when he found the laptop tucked away in his suitcase. He turned it on and waited impatiently as it booted up. Once he had it on, he quickly opened Tom's picture folder. He had, had a slide show of pictures up and Bill searched through different files, searching for a name that might be a code word. Instead, he found a file that simply said “Bill” on it. Bill caught his breath, biting on his lip as his finger hovered over the touch pad. One simple tap and all of Tom's secrets would be splayed out before him. The prospect made Bill pervertedly giddy and he quickly opened the folder. His eyes widened when he discovered the contents. There were a myriad of drawings that depicted the two of them in the most erotic positions, most of them with Tom's cock up Bill's ass. There were scribblings of signatures in the corners of all of them, a varied number of them. The rest were what appeared to be carefully edited and photoshopped pictures that actually looked real if Bill hadn't known the true image of his own body. The edits were just as obscene and Bill found himself staring out of shock and even a bit of arousal.  
Bill could only guess that Tom had perusing fan websites and he was shocked that Tom had actually used their fantasies as his own. Bill knew there were rumors about them, but he had never wondered the extent nor that one of the viewers would be his own brother.   
“What are you doing?” The accusatory voice snapped Bill right out of his daze. He spun around, his stomach immediately sinking to his shoes. His heart began to pound in an entirely different way and he set the computer aside.   
“I... I was just...” He knew he couldn't explain, but could Tom?   
“Looking at my stuff.” Tom snapped. He had come out of the bathroom and was standing in only a towel that was held around his waist with balled up fist.   
“Stuff?” Bill repeated. “You have pictures of... of us!”  
Tom marched across the room and smacked the lid of the laptop closed. His eyes were dark with fury, angry color washing up his neck and face. “Get out of my room, Bill.”  
“Where do you get the idea that you even have a right to say that?” Bill demanded.   
“Where did you get the right to come in here and go through my things?” Tom asked, leaning closer.   
“Why the fuck does that matter?” Bill hurled back. “I know now!”  
“Like you don't have your secrets!” Tom shouted and turned away, storming towards the bathroom. He marched through and to Bill's door. He slammed through and Bill followed.   
“What are you doing?” Bill cried, running in to the room after Tom.   
“This.” Tom snapped, leaning down and yanking open the side pocket of the suitcase where Bill kept his toy dildo. Mortification ran through Bill's veins and he felt himself implode with humiliation and horror. He couldn't do anything but stand in the door way as Tom ripped his last bit of privacy to shreds.   
“I know what this if for.” Tom accused, spinning around and holding up the toy. “And I know you say my name when you do it.”  
Bill shook his head, but he wasn't sure it was in denial. He just couldn't say a damn word, couldn't make his tongue work.   
“You say my name when you fuck yourself with this.” Tom repeated, stepping closer and shoving the toy against Bill's chest. He leaned in close enough that Bill could see every nuance of his dark brown eyes. “So who are you to judge?”  
Bill's lips moved silently for a moment before he whispered. “I just didn't know...”  
“Didn't know that I fantasize about taking your virginity?” Tom asked, quirking a brow.   
Bill felt like his tongue had suddenly been tied in a knot and his stomach was turning with hot arousal. When Tom said it like that...  
“Not that I would.” Tom said, turning away. “Its never gonna happen. I don't know why I started in the first place...” His voice dwindled away into nothing and Bill could see his shoulders tense.   
“Why wouldn't you?” Bill asked, his voice husky.   
Tom frowned over his shoulder, “We couldn't. We can't. I mean... its.. not right.”  
Bill looked down at his feet, still holding the vibrator awkwardly in his hands. “I saw you the other night.” He admitted quietly at last. “That's how I knew about the pictures.”  
There was a beat of silence before Tom said, “You watched me masturbate?”  
Bill felt his cheeks heat immediately and he turned away with a groan, “Yes.”  
“And...” Tom started slowly, “did you... you know...”  
Bill felt heat flare even hotter up his cheeks and he hid his face in one hand, “What do you think?”  
He flinched when he felt Tom's hands at his hips. “I'm not mad.” He murmured, bending to press a quick kiss against Bill's shoulder. The touch sent warmth flooding into Bill's stomach and he knew he was terribly and unbearably aroused. “I just think that its only fair that... the next time you decide to use that... you should leave your door open.” With that, he was gone, his hands only a ghost on Bill's flesh. Bill spun around, but found himself staring at an empty room. Tom had really just suggested that Bill let him watch...  
He had said that they couldn't actually do it, and this was some kind of middle ground. They both wanted it and Bill knew right then that he wasn't going to deny the suggestion.

~

The next leg of the US tour was in New York, and Bill was slightly sad to leave LA. He had enjoyed the sun, the beach, and shopping. New York wasn't as warm, and didn't have a beach, but it was bustling and packed with fans.   
Bill was most excited about the free day they had to explore the city and sight-see.   
At breakfast, Georg and Gustav said that they were heading out immediately. Bill was about to agree that he wanted to as well when Tom cut in, “I think Bill and I are just going to meet up with you at lunch time and just chill here at the hotel until then.”  
Bill glanced over quickly at Tom who gazed up at him from underneath the bill of his hat. His dark eyes were were pinned on Bill with such blatant desire that he had to look away. He cleared his throat and forced a smile, “Yeah, that's what we're gonna do.” He agreed.  
Georg and Gustav berated them for being party-poopers before they cleared off the table and set off to get a good look at NY.   
“So...” Bill said, sitting back. “What are we gonna do until lunch time?”  
Tom sat back as well and folded his hands on his stomach. His head was lowered and he kept his probing eyes on Bill. “I thought you might entertain yourself.” He said in barely veiled innuendo.   
Bill nodded slowly, already feeling his stomach churning. Tom wasn't making a suggestion; he was making a command and that sent a jolt through Bill's belly.   
Bill stood slowly from the table. He could feel Tom's eyes on him, following him as they went back up the stairs to their hotel room.   
Bill was shaking like a leaf by the time he got into his room and pulled out the lube, toy cleaner, and the dildo. He went through the same process as the night before, but this time Tom was watching him from the doorway of his own room as cleaned and dried the toy. His heart was beating like mad in his chest as he went into his room, leaving the door wide open. He set the toy and lube on the bed and began to strip. He tossed his t-shirt to the side and opened his pants with fumbling hands. He slowly worked his boxers down his legs, leaving himself naked. He could feel Tom's eyes on him the entire time and it made his cock throb hard.   
He laid himself out on the bed and tried to take in a calming breath.   
Tom had moved from his doorway to Bill's and he leaned against it, his arms crossed, eyes dark. He dominant stance sent a shudder through Bill's stomach and grabbed the lube with quivering fingers. When his fingers were wet with lube, his closed his eyes and began to finger himself. He moved more quickly than the night before, his anxiety over Tom's watching him speeding up the process. He fit a finger inside his tightly clenched hole and tried to relax as he circled the digit about. He pushed a second in before he was fully ready and moaned against the pillow, his body arching at the sudden invasion. He lapsed back against the sheets, stilling for a moment, before he began to push the two in and out. His body responded better this time and he opened his eyes to gaze across the room at Tom.   
He stood stiffly in the doorway, his arms tight around himself. His jaw was clenched and Bill could see the rise of his erection pressing against his baggy jeans. Bill bit down on his lower lip and tossed Tom the most alluring look he could manage as he thrust three fingers into the tight, hot suction.   
Tom's nostrils flared and he drew in a breath. “That's enough.” He ordered, his voice ragged.   
His order jarred Bill and he stilled against the sheets, his stomach performing acrobatics.   
“Put in it.” Tom commanded, his eyes blazing.   
Bill's lips parted and he felt his cock jump against his stomach. The way Tom was taking over his masturbation session really had him worked up and he wondered how else Tom might participate.   
Bill grabbed the dildo, slicked it up and pressed it back behind him. He arched his butt up as he pushed the head into him and turned on the vibrations. He gasped in a moan as the long, thick length pressed into him.   
“God...” He moaned into the pillow, reaching his other hand down to grab at his cock. He pulled at it in jerky motions. Most of his attention was centered on pushing the dildo deep into his ass and angling for his prostate.   
“Fuck...” Tom's hissed whispered carried across the room and Bill forced his eyes open to gaze hotly across the room again. He could see Tom holding onto his self-control by threads and he did his best to snap the rest. He ground his hips against the dildo, moaning brokenly against the pillow, “Tomi... oh, Tom...” He groaned, casting a wanton look in Tom's direction.   
Tom broke across the room, striding quickly to the bed. He climbed on next to Bill, yanking Bill's hand away from the dildo. Bill gasped as Tom suddenly jarred the toy inside him, shoving it in deep.   
“Oh my God!” He cried out, arching from the bed.   
“That's how deep I want to fuck you.” Tom rasped in his ear, twisting the dildo inside him.   
Bill whimpered, unable to even utter a positive response. He lay weakly on his stomach now as Tom drew the toy back and shoved it back into him.   
“Get your ass up.” Tom ordered, grasping his hip and pulling Bill up on his knees. He sat back between Bill's legs, running a fingertip along the fragile flesh that was stretched around the toy. He left it embedded there, vibrating, for a moment, simply gazing at the arousing image.   
“Tom, please...” Bill whimpered. His heart was thumping wildly and his cock was throbbing down below. He wanted to cum so badly, but even more, he wanted Tom.   
“You want me to fuck you with this?” Tom asked, grasping the end of the dildo to swirl it around inside Bill.   
“Yes...” Bill whimpered, rocking back towards the arousing sensation. The vibrations that the dildo was sending off were sinking into him, tremors rippling through his entire stomach. He could hardly handle the over-stimulation, especially with Tom controlling it now.   
“What else do you want?” Tom asked, tugging the toy out slightly only to force it back in, deeper this time.   
“Ahh!” Bill cried out, arching sharply against the bed. He went up on his hands and knees, before his hips ducked back down, away from the torturous sensation.   
Tom grabbed his hips and pulled him back into position before he laid a harsh smack across Bill's left buttock. Bill gasped and went still, staring hard at the print of the bedsheets.   
“Stay right here or I'll do it again.” Tom warned in a low voice. The threat only made Bill's stomach churn harder. “Now...” He said, beginning a slow thrusting motion with the dildo. “What else do you want?”  
Bill moaned and lowered his head between his arms. Looking down, he could see his hard cock throbbing a dusky color with arousal. “I... I want...” He moaned as Tom ground the vibrating toy against his prostate. “Want... want your cock.” He managed.  
“You want me to fuck you?” Tom asked, his voice tilting.   
“Yes.” Bill gasped.  
“Say it.” Tom ordered, driving the dildo into him.   
“Oh...” Bill moaned, rocking forward and then back. “I... I want you... to fuck me.”   
Tom pulled the toy back suddenly, disconnecting it in one quick pull from Bill's body. Bill cried out, his body crying out for loss of stimulation.   
Tom grabbed Bill's arm and pulled him around to face him. Their eyes met and Bill didn't think he had ever seen a more desirous look.   
“Do you really want to?” Tom asked, his voice low and steady.   
Bill swallowed hard before he nodded slowly. “I want it.” He whispered, his own voice not as stable at Tom's.   
Tom's brows drew together and he looked away from a moment. “I said I wouldn't.”  
“I want to.” Bill repeated, drawing closer. He pressed a kiss against Tom's cheekbone, dragging his lips slowly down his jawline. “I want your cock in me, Tomi.” He could feel Tom shudder against him and lifted a hand to stroke over Tom's chest through his clothes. He gathered up the hem and quested beneath to find naked flesh. Tom stiffened against him when Bill found his nipple, tight and hard. “Please...”He whispered, brushing his thumb over the aroused point. “Please, I want you in me so bad, Tomi.” He used his other hand to open Tom's pants, popping the button and then dragging the zipper down. Tom's cock was nearly bursting through his boxers and Bill slid hand into the slit, his hand coming into contact with hot, hard flesh. Tom drew in a sharp breath and he reached down, snatching Bill's wrist. He pulled his hand away and Bill looked up into his eyes. “What's wrong?” He asked, quietly.   
“I can't do this.” Tom dropped Bill's wrist and the dildo.  
“Why not?” Bill asked.  
“Because...” Tom stood from the bed and paced away. “Don't you remember our conversation the other day?”  
Bill quieted as he recalled the intimate and insecure feelings that Tom had revealed to him.   
“You deserve better than me.” Tom shook his head. “You know you do.”  
“No, Tom,” Bill shook his head, his heart falling to the ground as it had so many times. “You're the best... The best I could ever have.”  
Tom snorted. “You're unbelievable. I called you a whore and pushed you down in the dirt and...” He shook his head, his voice catching. “You still come back here, wanting more.”  
“I called you a pig.” Bill shrugged.  
“But that part was true.” Tom turned away but not before Bill could see the shimmer of tears in his eyes.   
“Tom, please,” Bill said, standing from the bed and walking up behind him. He wrapped his arms around Tom's middle and rested his head on his shoulder. “Please,” He murmured once more, “I love you. More than anyone. I want you more than anyone.”  
Tom sighed, and his shoulders slumped.   
“Please, come back, and I'll show you.” Bill whispered, releasing Tom and grabbing his hand. He pulled him back towards the bed and Tom let him lead him to sit on the edge.   
“What are you gonna do?” Tom asked, his voice husky as Bill knelt down on the floor between his thighs.   
Bill didn't answer as he pulled Tom's boxers all the way away from his cock. He was still half hard and when Bill wrapped his fingers around him, he could feel the blood begin to pulse quickly again.   
“Bill...” Tom said, slowly.  
Bill leaned forward, directing the tip of Tom's cock to mouth.   
“Bill!” Tom's voice turned to a cry as Bill took him in, sucking down slowly on the hot, hard length. Bill closed him eyes and gave a satisfied moan. He tasted better than any of his fantasies.   
“Jesus, fuck...” Tom's voice was high and quavering as he grasped at the top of Bill's dark head.   
Bill moaned and began to bob his head back and forth as went up and down, creating a pleasuring rhythm that had Tom moaning in seconds. He sat stiffly against the bed, one hand clenched on the sheets, the other in Bill's hair.   
Bill kept his hand at Tom's base, jacking him slowly up and down, pulling him up to his mouth with each descent. He used his other hand to massage over Tom's thighs, his acrylics scraping over naked flesh.   
“Bill, oh, God...” Tom moaned, his head bent low, his chin nearly on his chest. He clasped Bill's head closer, his hand beginning to guide now. “Jesus, you're gonna make me cum...” He whispered raggedly.   
“Mmm.” Bill hummed, turning his head to the side to gaze up at Tom's with large, dark eyes. He sucked off of Tom's cock and murmured, “I'm gonna if you don't get on me.”   
Tom gave a strangled moan before he grabbed Bill's arm. “Get up here.”   
Bill went willingly and spread himself out on the bed. Tom stood, quickly tossing aside his clothes, baring that perfect body that Bill had so often envied.   
Tom climbed onto the bed after and grabbed the lube. “Ass up.” He ordered, his sensual, low tone returning. Bill quickly clambered onto his knees, eager to please.   
Tom leaned down to press a kiss against one buttock. “Are you still open?” He asked, drawing a finger down between Bill's buttocks.   
Bill whimpered, inclining his hips back towards Tom. “I... I...” He panted. “Need your fingers, please, Tomi.”  
Tom leaned back and opened the lube. His fingers returned, wet this time. His massaged down to Bill's hole, slipping one inside. Bill let out a breath, pleasure flaring across his nerve endings. He planted his knees wider and rocked back, moaning quietly to let Tom know how good it felt.   
“You like this?” Tom whispered, drawing his fingers back and adding another.   
“Oh..” Bill moaned as the two went in deep. “Yes.. yes, I like it...” He gasped.  
“You're gonna like it even more.” Tom promised, his voice low. He added a third finger quickly, fucking them in and out a quick pace that made Bill arch and groan. He twisted them in out, stroking upwards to find his prostate.   
“Please..” Bill whispered, writhing beneath the wonderfully torturous touch.   
Tom grabbed his hip and held him in place as he began to thrust his fingers harder. He added a fourth finger, knifing all of them in at a sharp pace.   
“Tom, please!” Bill cried out, clawing at the sheets as if to escape.   
“You want my cock now?” Tom asked.  
“Yes, yes, please!” Bill cried out.   
Tom drew his fingers back and Bill glanced over his shoulder to watch Tom.   
“You have condoms?” Tom asked.   
“No.” Bill batted his lashes and bit lip.   
Tom swallowed hard, his eyes flashing with desire. “Do you want me to...?”  
“Cum in me.” Bill finished. “Yes.”  
Tom's eyes darted down to his ass and he whispered, “Fuck.” Before he grabbed the lube and rubbed it over himself quickly. He took a hold of Bill's hips and hauled him closer, rubbing his cockhead along Bill's cleft. Bill moaned, wiggling his butt back against the wet, hot flesh.   
Tom moved his hands back to grasp Bill's ass, spreading him apart as he fit his cock against Bill entrance and pressed forward. Bill felt the air leave his lungs as Tom stretched him, weighing down heavily inside him until Bill felt it in his lower stomach.   
“Fuck...” He gasped. His arms gave out and he dropped to his elbows with his ass still lifted up against Tom's hips.   
Tom shifted forward, penetrating him fully before he drew back and thrust again.   
“Oh..” Bill moaned, his forehead dropping to the mattress. “Oh, Tomi, please... faster...”  
Tom grasped Bill's hips again and began to rock his hips faster. It was so much better than the dildo. The heated, fleshy feel, the quick pace was so much better than what Bill could ever imagine or improvise.   
Tom was already panting behind him. His fingers squeezed Bill's hips hard enough to bruise and he went faster and faster with each passing second. Their bodies began to smack together and Bill could only hold on for dear life.   
Tom pressed him down sharply into the sheets, slamming his cock into Bill at an angle that went straight for his prostate. Bill gasped, and felt his toes curl at the sensation. He had managed to pleasure it with dildo, but even the vibrations could not compare to the way that Tom began to hammer at the sensitive bud of flesh. Bill felt as if he were becoming one throbbing nerve, a bundle of over-stimulated flesh that was about to burst. He knew they were both going to come quickly, but he didn't care. He had wanted this for so long, longer than he could recall. He wasn't letting it go now that he had it.   
“Bill..” Tom groaned behind him in the same tone as he had the night of Bill's voyeurism. The very thought made Bill spark with arousal and he clamped down upon Tom's cock.   
“Oh, yes, Tomi...” He panted into the sheets, unable to say anything. He wanted to scream out that Tom was doing him so good, for him not stop, but all words seemed to be stolen from his tongue. He could only hold on and relish the feeling of Tom inside him, bringing them together.   
Tom bent over him, his hot breath washing down Bill's back in stimulating rushes. “Gonna.. make you cum.” Tom panted, grinding his hips down against Bill's ass.   
“Oh...” Bill moaned in return.   
“Gonna make you.. cum everywhere.” Tom went on, his voice laced with desire and arousal. He reached around Bill and grasped his cock, his hand dragging raggedly over him. Bill's moans rose quickly into full-throated cries. His head lifted off the mattress and he thrust wildly against Tom's cock and hand. The pleasure built to unbearable heights, stronger than any orgasm that Bill had ever brought upon himself. At last, he broke under the pressure, his body rising up on a tidal wave of pleasure. He bucked and writhed under Tom, unable to control his body's reactions. He felt himself cum, everywhere, just as Tom had promised.   
Tom slammed into him a final time before he too came. The rush of hot cum inside him shocked Bill into silence as first before a weak whimper left his lips.   
They collapsed against the sheets together, breathing hard, but mostly quiet. Bill turned onto his side to face Tom who was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. His dreads were splayed out around him and his muscular, tan chest was rising and falling sharply.   
Bill moved over to him slowly, tucking himself beneath one toned arm. He gazed up at Tom's expression, trying to read him. He press a kiss against one pectoral and murmured, “It was good, Tomi, really good.”  
Tom's throat bobbed before he looked down at Bill. “Its done now.” He said at last before looking away with a frown.  
“Tom...” Bill sat up. “That's not how I want it to be.” He stroked a hand over Tom's chest. “I love you... Do you have any idea how long I've wanted this for?”  
“Yeah.” Tom said, gazing back at him with a frown. “Probably for about as long as I have.”  
“Then why...?” Bill's voice trailed off, before he began again, firmly. “I want this, Tom. I want to be with you. I want you to want that too.”  
“I do.” Tom sighed, and lifted his hands to his face. “I just... I just think that my baby brother deserves more... more than someone who's spent their life trying to fuck away the desire...” He choked over his voice and fell into silence.   
“Tom, I don't want you to feel bad for what's happened before this.” Bill said, softly. “I don't care about the girls, okay. I know you love me.”  
Tom lowered his hands and looked up at Bill with liquid brown eyes. “Could I even stop myself now?” He asked, reaching out a hand to cup Bill's cheek.   
“I don't want you to.” Bill whispered and laid back down next to him. Tom hugged him tighter and pressed a kiss to his crown.   
“I love you.” He murmured. “More than anything. More than my own life.”  
“I know.” Bill returned. “You don't have to tell me that.”  
“I'll tell you everyday.” Tom whispered, gazing down into his eyes.   
“Everyday?” Bill whispered.  
“Every day that we make love.” Tom clarified softly. “Every day that we're together. Every day until I die.”  
Bill couldn't say anything for a moment before he decided that there was nothing to say. Tom had already said it all and it was more than Bill had ever hoped to wish for.   
He laid his head back down, content. He forgot about lunch with Georg and Gustav. He forgot about the rest of the world. He forgot, because it didn't matter. Tom mattered, they mattered, and for the first time, Bill felt like all of his dreams had finally come true.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to personally thank all TH fans who draw or edit fanart. You are truly amazing;))))))


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